| "well the future's got me worried such awful thoughts, my head's a carousel of pictures the spinning never stops. i just want someone to walk in front & i'll follow the leader, like when i fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush, started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. i almost forgot who i was but i came to my senses. now i'm trying to be assertive by making plans, gonna rise to the occasion & meet all their demands, but all i do is just lay in bed & hide under the covers. yeah i know i should be brave but i'm just too afraid of all this change & it's too hard to focus through all this doubt, i keep making these to-do lists but nothing gets crossed out. working on the record seems pointless now when the world ends who's gonna hear it? but i'm trying to take some comfort in written words yeah, tim, i heard your album & it's better than good. when we get off tour i think we should hang & black out together cause i've been feeling sentimental for days gone by, all the summers singing, drinking, laughin, wasting our time. remember all the songs and the way we smiled in those basements made of music, but now i've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. i'm not as strong as i thought. so when i'm lost in a crowd, i hope that you'll pick me out. how i long to be found. the grass grew high, i laid down, now i'm waiting for a hand to lift me up, help me stand. i've been laying so low, don't wanna lay here no more. everything that happens is supposed to be & it's all predetermined can't change your destiny. guess i'll just keep moving, someday maybe i'll get to where i'm going..."
i think i'll finally have somewhat of a long entry.
you have a lot to think about when you lay in bed all day taking hydro codine. i think the one thought that crosses my mind the most is how much time can change things. & how much people can change. emotions are not stable. they will change with every blow of the wind & i believe that throughout the course of our entire life, none of us will ever figure out each other. we're all lost in our own way, & i think in a way, we don't want to be found. i've been sitting here waiting for you, but there has been no change since the day you left & i'm finally gripping the idea that you're NOT coming back, i'm not happy with the fact that you're not, but at least i'm making some improvement but finally coming to the realization. the next step is letting go. which now after this week, is going to be a lot easier then i thought. i'm going to miss you at times & i can admit it. i'm sorry for putting you through everything & i'm glad you're finally gone where you can forget me, because i need to be forgotten. i am an unloving person & i'm glad you finally realized that.
yeah. i'm drugged up right now & my leg is asleep. i think i'm going to go lay back down.
OK BYE.
oh yeah, the first person to bring me ice cream i will give you my soul.
thank you. <3
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